Do You Have a Dinner Backup?

A backup can save the day.

Parents often ask me what they ought to do when their child refuses to eat the meal that's been prepared. A backup is almost always my answer.

I don't need a backup anymore because I'm not parenting a defiant eater anymore. But boy, did cottage cheese save my life.

Here's an old post about backups for you to read while I finish my book! And do read this post on Cook. Play. Explore. which describes the author's experience using this technique.

==============================

Cottage cheese gets a bad rap.  It has the misfortune of being thought of as a diet food (and a pretty awful one at that).  But let me tell you how it changed my life.

My daughter likes cottage cheese.  She doesn’t LOVE it, would never choose it over something preferable – something like sushi, steak or even mac ‘n cheese – but when I serve up meatloaf, a spicy chili or a new dish that doesn’t quite make it, cottage cheese is her “go-to” meal.

I learned a long time ago that giving my daughter the option of eating cottage cheese whenever she didn’t want my dinner enabled me to cook whatever I desired.  And that opened up the culinary world to my husband and me – and, as it turned out, to my daughter as well.

Cottage cheese is our backup.  And, sometimes, having a backup is all you need to turn a tense meal around.

Kids have all sorts of reasons to decline your meal: they don’t like it, they don’t feel like eating it today, they’re cruising for some control.  Having a backup eliminates the sting of your kids’ snubs. 

Having a backup means you don’t have to beg, bribe or cajole your kids into eating, you don’t have to cook an alternate meal (or multiple alternates if you have a couple of kids) and you don’t have to worry about starvation.  You can simply say, “There’s always cottage cheese.”

A backup gives your children the safety net they need.

The backup gives your kids control over what they eat because they know exactly what the options are: they eat either the meal you’ve prepared or the backup.

The backup gives your children the freedom to try new foods because they know there’s always an out: the backup.

The backup eliminates the power play.

Your children don’t have to like cottage cheese.

Don’t panic if your kids don't like cottage cheese. There are lots of other foods you can use as a backup: tofu, hummus, plain yogurt, beans (or anything else out of a can that can be consumed without cooking).

Whatever backup food you choose, make sure it meets the following criteria:

1) The backup must always be the same food item. Pick ONE food and only ONE food to use as a backup.  It will undermine your efforts if your give your children choices for the backup of if the backup changes from time to time.

2) The backup must always be available. Use a food that isn’t highly perishable and which you usually stock. Cottage cheese works because it comes in small snack sizes that stay fresh for weeks at a time.

3) The backup must be nutritious.  That way you won’t worry when your children choose it.

4) The backup must be a NO COOK item.  The point is to make your life easier, not harder.

5) The backup must NOT be a preferred food.  Don’t choose cereal, sandwiches, flavored yogurt, or anything else your children would rather eat. You don’t want to give them an incentive to choose the backup. Instead, select something your kids like, not LOVE, and which they find kind of boring.

The backup works by changing the dynamic at the dinner table.  When you set the overarching parameters, and your children make the choices, you alter your interactions so there's no more fighting about food. And your kids end up eating more of what you serve.  Now that's a habit to cultivate!

~ Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits. ~

Can Chocolate Help Your Kids Eat Healthier?

What can you do when your kid refuses to eat the very foods he needs most?

Nutritionist Nicci Micco suggests you go "kid-friendly."

• Your kid doesn't like fruit? Mix it up in a "milkshake."
• Your kid won't eat beans? Mash them up into a yummy dip and serve them with chips.
• Your kid shuns broccoli (and other good-for-you veggies)? Drizzle on the cheese sauce.
• Your kid won't drink milk? Stir in some chocolate.

In my view, these tactics should be the start point, not the end point, and certainly not the everyday point. Maybe this is what the author meant, but I don't thnk so. 

Read Micco's post.

Make these kinds of compromises (chocolate, cheese and chips) with caution. You could end up with kids who reject more of the real stuff.

I made this point on my Facebook page and got some kickback.

• One person noted that these suggestions are intended as a way to introduce kids to foods they won't eat.
• Another person said that using these kinds of compromises are the only way she can get her kids to eat any fruits or vegetables.

These are valid comments, and I appreciate that these readers posted them.  I would like to add:

1) Sometimes the less nutritious choices is right.

This is a position I have advocated many times. Read When the Less Nutritious Choice is Right and You Catch for Flies with Honey.

2) I wish parents would read pieces like this as ideas for introducing new foods, but they don't.

In my experience, when parents see a suggestion (or a food item) that works, they use it repeatedly, not just as a stepping stone to other foods. 

That's how kids end up eating so much cheese: it appears on every list of toddler friendly foods.  That's a mistake.  Read How Much Cheese Should You Eat? and Cheese vs Chips.

The repetition is a trap.

3) The better takeaway from this Micco's post is this: Make foods taste good.

You don't need to go "child-friendly" to avoid making vegetables bland and boring. Think garlic, oregano, cumin.

4) There are two essential elements to increasing new food acceptance: 

1. Mixing it up. Read End Picky Eating with The Rotation Rule
2. Asking kids to taste—but never asking them to eat—new foods. Read Why Some Kids Should Spit.

Of know, for every study that shows “child-friendly” foods are bad, you can find ones that say they’re not so bad.

One study Micco cites in her post found that kids who drank flavored milk had higher calcium intakes than kids who drank unflavored milks, without any increase in their overall intake of added sugar

In other words, more calcium, the same amount of sugar: seems like a win. 

But not if you have to keep sugaring up food to “sell” it.  And not if chocolate milk makes your kids avoid foods that aren’t so sweet.

Simply put, overusing "kid-friendly" tastes and textures points your kids' taste buds in the wrong direction.

It reinforces, rather than rectifies, the problem. Read Why Toddlers Don't Eat Vegetables.

~Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~

---

Source: Johnson, R. K. and M. Q. Wang. 2002. “The Nutritional Consequences of Flavored-Milk Consumption By School-Aged Children and Adolescents in the United States.” Journal of the American Dietetic Association 102 (6): 853-56.

The Magic of Cheese

Cheese is an ideal vehicle for introducing kids to new foods.

I know I've come across as critical of cheese.  In my last post, How Much Cheese Should You Eat, I argued that since cheese is the largest source of saturated fat in the American diet we should teach our kids to eat cheese from time-to-time and only in small quantities.  

Then, yesterday in my Psychology Today post I compared cheese to chips. Yes, I actually compared cheese to potato chips. Don't worry, I didn't argue that chips are healthier than cheese, but I think you'll be surprised by the results of the comparison. Instead, I argued that people should use cheese like they use chips.  Read Cheese vs. Chips.

But now I'm here to say that you can use cheese to teach your kids to eat new foods.

The ooey-gooey goodness of cheese makes it appealing to kids.

There's no disputing the fact that most children (at least most children in America) like cheese.  It's bland (at least the kind we give to kids is), it has great mouth feel (thanks to all that fat!) and it goes well with pasta.

Cheese has familiarity and likability going for it so you can use it as a bridge to unfamiliar (and potentially unlikable?) foods. That's the rationale behind advice to use cheese as a bridge to vegetables:

• Kids don't like vegetables.
• Kids do like cheese.
• Kids will like vegetables with cheese because they'll focus on, and taste, the cheese.

But I think there is another, better way to use cheese.

Take your child to the cheese shop.

Most towns have cheese shops these days, but if yours doesn't, consider the cheese section of the grocery store.

There are literally hundreds of different kinds of cheese. So why stick your kids with bland, boring cheese sticks?  Branch out. Try Brie, Gouda and even stinky Stilton.  (In fact, if you've got that kind of kid, stinky is superior!)

Explore. Extol. Explain.

The best thing about using cheese to introduce new foods is that it's easy to do it right.

It takes a lot of guts to try new foods and it's the expectation of having to actually eat whatever new-fangled food is being served up that turns so many kids off.

We say, "Just take a bite," but the pile on the plate speaks louder.

Tell kids they only have to taste the new food and most children are game. Read Why Some Kids Should Spit.

In a cheese shop you taste, but don't eat, the cheese.  In other words, the challenge is doable.

Use the experience of trying new cheese as a bridge to trying new foods.

Instead of using the actual cheese as a bridge, use the positive, low-key experience as the bridge:

• Fun outing.
• Preferred food.
• Small samples.
• No expectations of actually eating. 

Want another single-food way to introduce new foods? Read The Magic of Yogurt.

~Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~